PACKING AWAY

Today, I thought it might be a good idea to pack away the rest of Loey’s nursery whilst my husband was at work. What the fuck was I thinking! The sense of guilt that I was putting away her swing, changing pad, and her cute nursing pillow was fucking intense. My heart broke into pieces and virtually shattered on the floor in front of me. Why did I think it was a good idea to do this without my ROCK; my husband. Yes, it was healing, because I cried a lot of tears ( I know I have more), while I was putting it away and carrying it into storage, hoping and praying that we will see them again with another baby. We are turning her room into a space where we can celebrate her. It will be a place I know that I will spend a lot of time hiding. I can see myself reading to her at night, holding her precious little soft animals and closing my eyes pretending to hear her voice as I look into her eyes. Infant loss is such an incredible sad tragedy that happens to too many families. I don’t know why? All, I know is that normal isn’t normal and that there is now a pre Loey and a post Loey life. Packing never felt so hard. Hugs j x